Conversations that Happen Because I Suck

The other day I posted something on my blog about how I suck.

I heard feedback from many of my friends about my post.  It turns out that, just like I suspected, many of them suck too!  But that wasn't what was most interesting to me.  What was most interesting were two conversations I have had since then that came about as a result of my proclamation of personal suckiness.

At the gym yesterday, I bumped into a friend and he asked me what I had been up to lately.  I thought about it for a moment and told him that I had been cleaning up my house, but I had also been writing and I had written about how I realized I suck.

He clearly found this amusing.

After he figured out that I was serious, like the entrepreneurial fellow that he is, he told me that it's easier to see your progress if you break your tasks up into achievable goals.  He gave me an example from his own life.  It was a good idea, but I didn't think it would work for me.  It would actually work with specific house-cleaning-up tasks, but my problem is that unlike "clean out the refrigerator," most of my other, more important life goals are nebulous and vague and never ending.  It's hard to break "be a loving wife" up into small, tidy segments.

For some reason what popped into my head later when I thought about this were lessons from high school French class, when we learned about the verbs "faire" and "etre."  Faire means "to do", and it's fairly easy to conjugate because even though it's an irregular verb, all of the forms of faire pretty much look at least somewhat like it.  But etre means "to be," and it's a total beast to remember because the most of the conjugated forms look nothing like the original.  

It's a lot harder "to be" than it is "to do," in both French class and in real life.  Doing has guidelines, parameters, and an end.  We can make a checklist and mark things off.  Being goes on and on, it's difficult and untidy and whether or not we are succeeding is not always clear.  I think people in general are more comfortable with "doing" than "being" for this very reason.  But, it's often the being that is far more important than the doing, and this tension might be one of the primary struggles of the human condition.

(Hmmm... that concept is interesting to me.  I may come back to that in the future.)

In addition to my friend at the gym, I was asked by someone who had read my "I suck" post if I had written those things to combat people who think I have the perfect life.

I said no, I wrote it because I suck.

But then I thought about what she said later, and maybe it is true that some people think I have the perfect life.  Putting that image out there has never been my goal, but many times I have heard someone say that they wished that they had or did something that I have or do.  And yes, I have a wonderful family and I am pretty good at some things, but let it be known that there are plenty of times when things aren't perfect and there are plenty of things that I'm not good at, too.  I realize that, but maybe for whatever reason other people don't alway see those parts of me.

Contentment is something that many of us struggle with, and sometimes we can make each other feel worse when we only choose to show each other the good aspects of our life.  If things aren't going our way in one area or another it makes it harder to be content when we look around and everyone else's life looks so stinkin' perfect!  So hey, if exposing my own imperfections in plain (albeit slightly crude) fashion makes it easier for people to see an accurate picture of me and less tempted to envy any part of my life, then I am all for it.  I am more than happy to pull back the curtain and let them see the wizard.

Oh, and if you needed any more proof of the fact that I suck, I hit myself in the head with a piece of firewood today and gave myself a goose egg on my forehead.  I am pretty sure nobody will envy me now.   Except for maybe a barren goose.

Yes, it is hard work finding new ways to suck, but somehow I manage.  ;-)

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